“You have said, ‘Seek my face.’ My heart says to you, ‘Your face, Lord, do I seek.'”
It seems the nearer I get to that holy, breathtakingly beautiful, blazing heart of God, the less I know, the weaker I am, the less I have it together.
And I used to think maturity was getting stronger. “No,” He responds. “Just closer.”
I just want to know You, more than anything else I want to know You…
I thought growing in God meant knowing more and more. “More and more of ME,” He qualifies.
I’m realizing again how humility is tied in and wrapped up in every direction of this exchange. Knowledge apart from Him puffs up but knowledge of Him humbles and brings low. So growing in the knowledge of Him more is to walk lower….always.
“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men, And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:5-8)
Who is this God anyway??
Will I go on imagining Him to be withholding His heart from me, when in truth, it is completely open to me?
Sometimes I feel like I’m twisting His arm in my asking for a greater revelation of His heart. But every time light breaks in upon my heart and my eyes behold more of who He is. I find the opposite to be true. It’s not me twisting His arm but instead, He’s continuously seeking to convince me. The culprit of any a delay in my journey in God is not God’s stingy withholding but my stubborn resisting.
I refuse to believe and I hang on to my false ideas of Him, while all the while He’s patiently chipping away at my false ideas about His heart.
I don’t want to be guilty of speaking words about the jealous radical righteous all consuming God of love that defines good, yet somewhere deep within still resisting truths about Him. Why is it the goodness of the Lord that I’m slowest to receive?
A month into track2, if I had to highlight what it is that He is re-writing in my heart it would be the things that He spoke to Moses on the mountain…that He really truly IS merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. When Moses cried, “show me Your glory,” this was the goodness of the Lord that passed before him, but my stubborn heart is ridiculously slow to receive it.
I don’t want to doubt these truths about the Lord in the deepest places of my heart, imagining disappointment when there is none to be found or subtly accepting accusations that God is somehow withholding something from me.
I don’t want to be a skeptic of God’s love in even the smallest sense. I would rather be a FOOL for love, spinning wildly through my days with every kind of presumption of just how abundant His enjoyment, just how extravagant His delight in me is, than to stand on the side lines with arms folded, waiting for the “real” rendition of His love, the “actual” account of the story.
At the close of this age, it’s going to be the fools for love who will be deemed most wise. It won’t be the skeptics who got nearest to the truth but the fools, those who believed in the most ridiculous and radical heights of God’s love. These will be those most “accurate” to the actual truth of the magnitude of His kindness and even their wildest presumptions will not come near to the actual excessiveness of Jesus’ love.
I’d rather be a fool than a skeptic, counting all as loss for the surpassing worth of knowing the heart of my King. Lovesick…
“But God chose what is foolish in the world…“ (1 Corinthians 1:27)
I want to be one fully aware of the scandalous love of Jesus and the sobriety of the hour we were living in.
I want to really know the light of His great love so I can be strengthened to make the changes in my life, to abandon business as usual and to pursue the purposes of God, to go after the things that the world sees as foolish, so that I can partner with Him in what He is doing on the earth.
For there’s coming a shaking…There is peace in Jesus, yes. Deepest and transcendent peace. Yet there is also a storm ahead…
And do I really live like Jesus is coming back? Like even half of the prophecies in the Word are true?
To be honest, there’s a tension in my heart that lies between living urgently on one side, living with the coming of Jesus before us and all that surrounds, and on the other, the idea of living peacefully and without fear or anxiety. But they’re not really at odds, are they?
When Jesus talked about His coming, he said things like: “Take heed. Watch and pray. Be alert. Be awake. Pray always.”
Jesus didn’t say, “Just be at peace and don’t worry about those days ahead.” True, He told us not to worry about tomorrow but calling us to urgent prayer and watchfulness doesn’t equal worry to Him. He calls it wisdom.
Comfort, as Jesus spoke of was not ease and leisure in circumstance but deep peace and abiding joy in the midst of all circumstances, even trouble.
For while the things of this world will be shaken, I have the promise of a kingdom that will never be shaken. I know and am known by a God that is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. Never changing. Eternal. I have a hope…
I want to be a fool for love. Instead of second guessing, I want to rush in with arms outspread. Knowing and believing the love He has for me. I want to be counted with the fools that believe beyond what is perceivable, that reach past what is tangible and visible, pressing on into the unknown regions of the incomprehensible crazy love of God.